Cloud Strife Vs Squall Leonhart

\Jeremy here with another Fabled Fight! Today we have the main protagonists of Final Fantasy 7 and 8, Cloud and Squall, battling to see which swordsman reigns supreme. Time for our brief analysis of each fighter and then the verdict!

Cloud

 Cloud Strife
--- Wields a large and powerful Buster Sword
--- Often associated with wolves

--- Capable of using a variety of magic by equipping materia
--- Balanced stats; speed is the lowest
--- Must use a lot of hair gel to get those spikes
--- Once cross-dressed to save his girlfriend
--- In Final Fantasy Dissidia, Cloud defeated Firion, protagonist of FF2
--- Ultimate attack is Omnislash

--- Named after something weather-related

                                                                                     Squall Leonhart

Squall

--- Wields the versatile and precise Gunblade
--- Often associated with lions
--- Capable of both using and "junctioning" magic, which increases his stats
--- Fairly balanced stats; luck is lowest, and strength is highest
--- Design based on the late River Phoenix
--- Once boogied at a dance with his girlfriend
--- In Dissidia, Squall defeats the Warrior of Light, protagonist of FF1
--- Ultimate attack is Lion Heart
--- Named after something weather-related

Verdict:
Squall wins. That is, *if* he is allowed to use junctioned magic to boost his stats. Both contestants are skilled swordsman, and have defeated powerful opponents. Both also have a deadly ultimate attack. However, Cloud's equippable materia don't bolster his stats like Squall's magic junctions do. If you give both heroes their magic and swords, it seems Squall's bonus attributes will give him the edge. If you forbid the use of magic and equips, Cloud would have a much better chance. Additionally, consider that Squall's physical attacks never miss. Even if he is afflicted with the blind status, he'll hit. Thus, our winner is Squall (mostly). Thanks for reading!

My final thoughts: If you wanted Cloud to win and seek revenge, you can check out a very disturbing picture of Squall here.

Today in the life of a Jeremy: If sugar didn't exist, I might have a six pack. Sadly, since it does, my stomach is content to eat all the sweet food I can find. 

Squirtle Vs Gabumon

Hi, we're back with another Fabled Fight! Today we have the original water Pokemon, Squirtle, battling one of the first Digimon, Gabumon. Time for our brief analysis of each reptilian fighter and then the verdict!

 Squirtle
--- Small, blue turtle

--- Often given to young Pokemon Trainers

--- Can shoot powerful blasts of water, and utilize a variety of Water, Normal, and Fighting attacks
--- Is fond of sunglasses

--- Prioritizes defense
--- Can unleash formidable attacks such as Hydro Pump
--- Evolves into Wartortle, then Blastoise

Gabumon
--- Reptilian, yet wears the pelt of a furred creature

--- Pelt scares away predators; Gabumon itself is timid

--- Can attack with claws or horn

--- Often shoots the "Blue Blaster, a burst of flames from its mouth

--- Classified as a "Rookie"level Digimon

--- Ultimately morphs into the wolf-like Garurumon

--- Can speak human languages

Verdict:
Squirtle wins. Squirtle has strong defensive abilities, and is also shown to be agile. Gabumon seems far clumsier in comparison. Gabumon shoots fire attacks, but Squirtle is naturally strong against flames, and its shell could protect against any claws or horns Gabumon employed. Eventually, our horned warrior would fall to Squirtle's numerous water blasts. The  winner is Squirtle. Thanks for reading!

My final thoughts: Okay, so Gabumon starts as a reptile wearing a mammal's pelt, but digivolves into an actual mammal? Strange..

Today in the life of a Jeremy: Peanut butter noodles, despite sounding gross, are actually pretty good. Put in some veggies, and you have a great stir fry!

Yugi Moto Vs Jaden Yuki

Hi, Jeremy here with another Fabled Fight! Today we have the protagonists of the first two Yu-Gi-Oh series, Yugi Moto and Jaden Yuki, competing to see whose deck of Duel Monsters cards would win a duel! Note that the very last battle of Jaden's series involves him facing off against Yugi, but the results of that clash were never shown. Oh, and if you don't know, duels involve summoning various monsters, and using magic and trap cards, to reduce your opponents "Life Points" to zero. Anyway, time for our brief analysis of each fighter and then the verdict!

Yugi and Yami

 Yugi Moto

 --- Often relies on the spirit, Yami, to help win duels

 --- Mostly uses Dark attribute monsters, including the classic Dark Magician. Also uses a few "Ritual" monsters

 --- Deck contains various strategies that can adapt to most situations

--- Has pink, yellow, and black hair that is incredibly spikey. Um.. Okay, Yugi.

Yubel and Jaden

 Jaden Yuki

--- Incredibly annoying in English dub, much more tolerable in Japanese

--- Is advised by the spirit Yubel, but doesn't solely rely on her
--- Uses both Elemental Hero and Neo-Spacian cards. Jaden is considered a Fusion master, easily able to combine his monsters into more powerful forms.
--- Has two shades of brown in his hair. Hey, it's way more normal than Yugi

Verdict:
Jaden wins. I know some will be upset that the original King of Duel Monsters lost, but let's take a look at some facts. Both Jaden and Yugi have incredibly high win-to-loss ratios, so both are definitely skilled duelists. However, Yugi frequently allows his Yami form to take over, and relies on him to win most of the time. Jaden eventually receives Yubel as a guide, but she acts as mostly a spectator. Thus, Jaden seems more capable. In addition, Jaden's deck has more recent and updated cards that seem to give it a slight edge over Yugi's aging deck. Also, as a Yu-Gi-Oh card game fan, I believe that generally, Fusions tend to be more useful than Rituals. Finally, in one episode of Jaden's series, a duelist named Dimitri steals Yugi's deck, and challenges Jaden. After a long match, Jaden impressively defeats Dimitri; and this was before Jaden received his strong Neo-Spacians, he was only using his Elemental Heroes. In short, our winner is Jaden. Thanks for reading!

My final thoughts: Yugi may have lost, but he has a much better sidekick than Jaden. Yugi befriends Joey Wheeler, a competent and amusing duelist. Jaden befriends Syrus Truesdale, who (even in the superior Japanese versions) loses constantly and acts cowardly most of the time. Someone should've just dropped an anvil on Syrus at the beginning of the show. Bleh.

Today in the life of a Jeremy: Ever had a gyro? It's a Greek food that comes with lamb meat in pita bread with various vegetables. They're really good!

Superman Vs Wonderman

Hi, Jeremy here with another Fabled Fight! Today we have two incredibly powerful combatants from DC and Marvel. Time for our brief analysis of each fighter and then the verdict!

 Superman (Clark Kent)
--- Incredibly strong and durable

--- Capable of flight

--- Weak to kryptonite

--- Remember his references in Seinfeld and Kill Bill?

Wonderman (Simon Williams)
--- Incredibly strong

--- Capable of flight (see a pattern here?)
--- Weak to certain forms of energy

--- Vegetarian

Verdict:
Superman wins. Both have similar powers, but Superman seems far more durable. Additionally, his laser eyes may disrupt Wonderman's energy field and exploit his weakness. Our winner is Superman.

 Thanks for reading!

My final thoughts: Wonderman has worked as a both an agent of good and evil. He seems more interesting to me than Supes, but that's just my opinion. 

Today in the life of a Jeremy: Do you ever eat way too many sweets? Don't worry, you're not alone!

Squall Leonhart Vs Vincent Valentine

Hi, Jeremy here with another Fabled Fight! Today features a battle between Squall Leonhart and Vincent Valentine from the Final Fantasy series. Which brooding hero can overcome the other? Time for our brief analysis of each fighter and then the verdict!

 Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy 8)
--- Master of a unique sword called the Gunblade
--- Ultimate attack, Renzokuken, rapidly attacks foes with powerful sword swings
--- Talks to walls
--- Adept with magic techniques
--- He broods a lot, but also acts as a capable leader
--- Attacks very precisely, almost never missing
--- Technique called Rough Divide rushes forward incredibly quickly


Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy 7)

 --- Wields a variety of firearms, typically favoring a pistol called Cerberus, which fires three rounds at once

 --- Ultimate ability transforms him into a powerful and demonic form. However, he also becomes berserk in this state, losing the ability to strategize

 --- There's a running gag that Vincent's a vampire, considering his pale skin, cold demeanor, and red eyes

 --- In FF7, he's an optional recruitment; you don't need him to finish your quest
 --- Agile combatant

Verdict:
Squall wins. Vincent is fast, but Squall's accuracy counters that. Vincent may have a range advantage, but Squall's magic and Rough Divide helps him close in and take the win in close quarters. Additionally, Squall's Renzokuken seems more far more helpful than Vincent's mindless transformation. 

My final thoughts: A sequel game to FF7, Dirge of Cerberus, stars Vincent and reveals he can transform into a Chaos state. However, I didn't factor this in because it isn't really an ability of his; he was granted the form by having magic implanted into him. If we took this into account, our outcome may very well have been different.

Today in the life of a Jeremy: Family get-togethers are always.. interesting. 

The Black Knight Vs The Black Knight

Welcome to another Fabled Fight! Today we have.. wait, how can someone fight himself? Oh, right, these are two different Black Knights. Our first is the famous character from the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and our second is a mysterious figure from the classic Gamecube game, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance. Anyway, it's time for our brief analysis of each fighter and then the verdict!

 

 Black Knight (from Monty Python)

--- Defeated the Green Knight

--- As the link above shows, he's very capable of resisting pain

--- Deemed a formidable foe by King Arthur

--- This Knight is really.. unique

 Black Knight (from Fire Emblem)
--- Wields Alondite, a sword blessed by a goddess. Capable of firing dangerous beams of energy

--- Sacred armor cannot be damaged by weapons that haven't been blessed. However, the Black Knight will offer the holy weapon Ragnell to those he deems worthy, so a fair fight may be had.

--- Uses mystical powder to teleport, but this saps his stamina

--- (Spoiler alert for his identity) Has blue hair.

--- Accelerated healing

--- Similar to a medieval Darth Vader, isn't he?

Verdict:
This one's not even close. Fire Emblem's Knight easily defeats Monty Python's. Even if Python's was bestowed the sword Ragnell, capable of bypassing his foe's armor, Fire Emblem's Knight still possesses superior sword skills, faster healing, and teleportation capabilities. Not to mention a pretty cool theme, too.
Thanks for reading!

My final thoughts: There's a sequel video game to Path of Radiance on the Wii called Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn. They're both aging, but I still enjoy them quite a bit. And the Black Knight's entrance in both is awesome!

Today in the life of a Jeremy: Planning a surprise date for my fiancee. I think she'll like it!

Spider-Man Vs Spider-Woman

Hi, Jeremy here with another Fabled Fight! Today we have a battle of the sexes... and arachnids. This is Spider-Man Vs Spider-Woman (not to be confused with Spider-Girl). Time for our brief analysis of each fighter and then the verdict!

Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
--- Superhuman strength and agility
--- Can stick to walls
--- Shoots durable webbing to ensnare foes, and uses webbing for transportation
--- Has an alternate dimension counterpart called Peter Porker, the Amazing Spider-Ham

--- Spider Sense warns of incoming danger

Source: Michael Turner, Deviantart

 Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew)

--- Superhuman strength and agility

--- Can stick to walls

--- Immune to poisons and radiation

--- Can shoot venom blasts (bursts of electricity similar to lightning)
--- Body can produce pheromones to alter the emotions of others

Verdict:
Spider-Man wins. Jessica's venom blasts are more dangerous than Peter's webs, but Peter possesses far more strength and agility; he can lift up to 20 tons, she can lift only 7. His speed would allow him to dodge any blasts before overpowering his opponent. Looks like the boys win this round, but we'll be back with more battles between genders. Thanks for reading!

My final thoughts: Due to a complicated comic plot I won't get into, everyone is unsure of whether or not Jessica can fly. Even if she could, I don't think it would have enough of an impact to change today's outcome. Looks like Jessica Drew a loss for the gals today.. Jokes like that are why you shouldn't post at 3 am.

Today in the life of a Jeremy: Uh, since its only 3 hours into the day, not much has happened. I've worked on some articles and brainstormed ideas. Hooray?